


Your Eyes Were Dry

by Katybug1992



Series: Your Eyes Were Dry [1]
Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Cheating, M/M, breaking up & not making up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:22:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26053393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katybug1992/pseuds/Katybug1992
Summary: And Colton couldn’t believe that Jordan was still standing there, looking like didn’t give a fuck that Colton was barely keeping himself together.
Relationships: Jordan Binnington/Colton Parayko
Series: Your Eyes Were Dry [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1956250
Kudos: 17





	Your Eyes Were Dry

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the song "Your Eyes Were Dry" by John Lewis

Colton was happy. Or he considered himself happy. He and Jordan had gotten their shit together. Sure, there had been a couple bumps in the roads before they had had the Defining The Relationship Talk, but that was in the past. He had moved on from it.

Colton had told everyone who was concerned - and there were more of them than he thought - that he was okay, that he trusted Jordan. That it didn’t really count as cheating because it had happened before they had sat down to decide to give a relationship a chance. That knowledge, apparently, didn’t stop Eddy, Fabb, Sammy, Dunner, and Mac telling him to be careful several times. And, as Colton scanned the bar, he couldn’t help but flashing back to each of those moments. Because something felt off.

They were out with the team and he should be having fun. He and Jordan had a date planned for the next day, so he had been nursing the same beer pretty much all night - although, the same couldn’t be said for Jordan, who was throwing back drinks left and right. It wasn’t anything fancy - just going to the Art Museum. Eddy had laughed and fondly called him a nerd when he told him about it. But it was the perfect chance for them to be together and talk and not have the pressure of a meal. The kind of dates Colton liked. And it was going to be a Wednesday, so it wasn’t going to be crowded so maybe they could hold hands as they explored. Pretend they were just another normal couple.

But something felt off. Had felt off since they left the hotel. Jordan felt… distant. Like he wanted to be anywhere but with Colton. Which wasn’t normal. Before they were officially, Jordan stayed next to Colton every time they went out, possessive hand on Colton’s hip, keeping him close. And everytime Eddy had seen it, his face would go a little pinched before he chugged what he was drinking and shook his head to shake out whatever thought had come into it.

But Colton hadn’t really seen Jordan since they got to the bar that night. And he felt uneasy, but couldn’t put his finger on why. He scanned the bar once more and couldn’t find a trace of Jordan. He tried to shake it off, told himself that Jordan had probably stepped outside for some air. 

“I’ll be right back,” he muttered to Petro, who had been looking at him with barely concealed concern - the man could not control his face - and headed toward the bathroom to throw some water on his face.

What he was not expecting to find in said bathroom was his boyfriend full-on making out with another guy - who happened to be, physically, everything Colton wasn’t.

“Jordan?” he choked out.

And Jordan froze, pulling away from the other man with a groan, like it was a hassle for him that Colton had caught him cheating - again.

And Colton tried to muster up a polite smile as the man Jordan had been making out with rushed past him, after all, the man probably didn’t know Jordan had a boyfriend.

“Really?” Colton finally managed to get out, “I thought you said you were all in. You told me you were all in. That it wouldn’t happen again.”

“Colton -”

“Don’t tell me that the first time didn’t count. Those are so not the words I need to hear you say right now.”

“What do you need me to say, then? That it won’t happen again? That I’m sorry?”

“Only if you mean it.” Colton’s voice was soft and they stared each other down - Colton trying not to let tears well up, Jordan with no trace of emotion - waiting for the other to blink first.

“I don’t think I’m ready for a relationship,” Jordan finally says, looking away from Colton, “I was fine when we were just messing around. It was fun. But then...we got together and… you changed.”

“What do you mean I’ve changed?” Colton’s face scrunched up in confusion. He wasn’t the one who had started randomly running hot-and-cold.

“All of a sudden we need to have plans for every off day. And then you’re looking at vacations during the off-season. And, like, we stopped fucking as often?? And I have a drawer of my stuff at your house and that’s not supposed to happen until, like, a year into a relationship. Next thing I know, you’re probably going to ask me to move in with you!”

“What’s bringing this on? You’re the one who told me you wanted to give us a shot.”

“Yeah! Give us a shot! And then you turned into this...Boyfriend!”

And Colton recoiled at the way that word sounded leaving Jordan’s mouth. Like it was the worst thing in the world someone could be.

“I’m sorry that I thought you were serious. That you could actually… God, I can’t believe everyone was right. I should have listened to Eddy and Fabbs.”

“Not all of us can be perfect, Colton. Not all of us are built for relationships. We don’t all need to have a defined relationship to be happy. Some of us are perfectly happy with just fucking and shouldn’t have been pushed into a relationship.”

“You didn’t have to say yes! When we had the talk, you didn’t have to agree!”

“Yes, I did! Because you said ‘All or Nothing’!”

“So you only agreed so you could keep fucking me?”

And when Jordan didn’t answer, Colton sniffed and asked, “Is this the first time since we became official? Or is just the first time I caught you?”

“Do you really want to know the answer to that?”

And Colton couldn’t believe that Jordan was still standing there, looking like didn’t give a fuck that Colton was barely keeping himself together.

“I’m going back to the hotel.”

Colton didn’t give him a chance to respond before he spun on heel and exited the room.

“You okay?” Petro asked him as he got back to the table.

“No,” Colton shook his head and grabbed his coat, “Schwartzy back at the hotel, right?”

“Colt -”

“I’ll be okay.”

“I would check with Jaden before you show up at his room. He and Jonathan had a phone date tonight.”

Colton nodded, pulling out his phone and shooting a quick text to Jaden and then calling Eddy. Because he needed Jaden, yes, but he also really, really needed Joel. And he hated that Joel wasn’t there. He felt kind of like he was missing a piece of himself.

“Hey Big Guy!” Joel crowed as he answered his phone, his grin audible through the phone and Colton wanted him standing in front of him.

“Hey,” he replied, trying not to sound like he felt and knowing he failed when Joel took a deep breath on the other end of the line.

“What happened?” Joel asked, “I know it wasn’t the game. You played amazing.”

“You were right,” Colton sniffled, “I should have listened to you. To everyone. But… he said he wanted a relationship. And then tonight… it’s like it was my fault he was kissing someone else. Like it was my fault that there have apparently been other instances since he and I talked. Because I’m apparently too much as a Boyfriend….”

“Colton,” Joel breathed out, and Colton knew he was doing that thing where he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, “Start from the top.”

And Colton did. Colton told Eddy everything about how he and Jordan had started fucking around; about how he found out that Jordan had been fucking other people during that time as well; about how when they had their DTR Talk Colton had told that they were either officially a couple or they weren’t, that there was no inbetween, that Colton wasn’t built for casual hookups and he definitely wasn’t built for friends with benefits; about how Jordan had sounded like he meant it when said that, even though he wasn’t great at relationships in the past, Colton would be worth it; about how Jordan had started pulling away; about what Jordan had said; about how he responded when Colton asked him if this was the first time; and about how, while Colton was trying not to fall apart, Jordan had just stood there - showing absolutely no emotion, not even remorse.

And Eddy just listened. He didn’t interrupt, didn’t try to interject or defend Jordan, like a small part of Colton’s brain thought he might. Because Eddy and Jordan were Bros. Had been for a long time. And when Colton finished talking, Joel took a deep breath.

“You didn’t deserve to be treated like that. You didn’t deserve that.” Joel’s voice was more serious than Colton had ever heard it, “I need you to tell me that you KNOW you did nothing wrong.”

“I shouldn’t have pushed him,” Colton responded, “I should have just left things the way they were.”

“No,” Joel’s voice had hardened, “No, because you would have been miserable. This is not your fault. It’s not. Don’t you dare blame yourself, Colton Parayko.”

He let Joel offer what little comfort he could over the phone as Colton arrived back at the hotel and got changed into sweats and a t-shirt in his room.

“I’m going to go to Jaden’s room. He should be off the phone with Jonathan by now.”

“Okay,” Joel definitely has the fond little smile on his face, “let Team Mom comfort you, okay? Call me tomorrow.”

“Night, Joel.”

“Night, Colton.”

And as Colton hung up, he knew Joel was calling Fabbs. And he couldn’t bring it in himself to care. He just threw on a hoodie, made sure he had his room key - and that Jaden was actually off the phone - before heading to the slightly older man’s room.

“Hey,” Jaden opened the door, looking very soft and un-Jaden like in his joggers and too big t-shirt that was clearly Jonathan’s, “what’s wrong?”

“I think Jordan and I broke up and I needed Mom.” Colton replied, hating that he felt the tears coming again.

And Jaden pulled him into the room, not even caring about being called “Mom” - because he knew he was Team Mom, didn’t know how or when it happened but he was, and he knew when “Mom” was said jokingly and when it was said seriously.

Colton kind of blanked out as Jaden arranged them on the bed, just knew that as soon as he was curled up under Jaden’s arm with his head on his chest he spilled his guts.

“I just...I thought we were happy,” Colton wrapped up, “And he NEVER said otherwise.”

“You might not remember David. My boyfriend when you were just starting to come up?” Jaden replied softly, petting Colton’s hair.

“The one Vladi hated?” Colton’s face scrunched up as he tried to remember.

“That doesn’t really narrow it down,” Jaden chuckled, “he’s never been a fan of any of my boyfriends. David was the lawyer.”

“Oh, the one Petro couldn’t stand,” Colton nodded, able to picture the man now.

“Yeah, him,” Jaden nodded, “when we got together, I was so happy, yeah? I thought he was The One. I thought that because he chose me, that that meant something. But then I found out that he chose me so that someone else couldn’t have me, that he chose me because he knew I would be faithful and he had been worried with how close I had gotten to Borts. And, let me tell you, finding out that that was why he chose me? It hurt more than any time he had cheated.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Because, while it hurt and I spent a good two days alone at home, in bed, all the lights off until Vladi came over and made me get up and eat, I learned that a relationship that starts with ‘All or Nothing’, is probably not a relationship that’s gonna last. And I didn’t say anything to you because you were already getting so many warnings. And I know you. I know you’re stubborn as hell. And I figured that Jordan might be the exception, you know?”

“Did you just reference ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’?”

“Did I?”

“I think you did.”

“Well, I’m gonna go ahead and blame that on Schenner.”

“How did you move on?” Colton tucked his nose down against Jaden’s chest, inhaling the comforting scent.

“I had it a bit easier than you will. But I threw myself into practice, into games. Let out my anger in hits. Hooked with Jonathan for the first time.”

“Mama, tell me the story of how you and Jonathan met,” Colton mocked light and grinned as Jaden laughed.

“You asked how I moved on, and part of that was falling into bed with Jonathan and letting him fuck me into the mattress. Twice.” Jaden replied, laughing again as Colton gagged, “Because it made me feel like I was important. Because Jonathan was choosing me. Because Jonathan didn’t even think twice before choosing me. Because Jonathan wanted me for me, not because he was worried someone else wanted me.”

“What should I do?” Colton whispered, “Because right now I feel like my heart’s been squeezed too tightly and is now mush.”

“You put yourself first.” Jaden replied, “You create boundaries. You talk to someone when you need to.”

“You do realize you never do that first or last thing, right?”

“This is about you, not me.” Jaden brushed it off, “It’s not going to be easy. He’s on the team, so you can’t get away from him that easily. And my door is always open to you. But when it gets to be too much, you’re allowed to say that it’s too much. You’re allowed to re-enforce your space. You’re allowed to ask for space.”

“Can I stay here tonight?”

“Yeah, you can.”

And Colton sniffled a little and let Jaden petting his hair lull him to sleep.

He gets woken up the next morning by someone knocking incessantly on Jaden’s door and the older man grumbling and detailing how he’s going to murder the person who dared to wake him up - Jaden Schwartz was many things but a morning person was not one of those things. Probably the only person who was safe to talk to Jaden before he had coffee was Vladi - and that was probably due to their rookie days when the Russian didn’t speak English and wouldn’t have understood why Jaden was glaring at him like he wanted him dead.

“You better have a good reason for waking me up,” Jaden growled as he opened the door, “Binner. Morning.”

“Can I talk to Colton?”

“That’s not a question for me to answer.”

“Jaden, I -”

“Give me twenty minutes,” Colton called from the bed, “I’ll meet you down at breakfast.”

Jaden closed the door and turned to face Colton. And Colton could tell that Jaden wanted to ask him if he was sure, if it was too soon, if he wanted that conversation to happen while their teammates would be milling around them.

“I’ll be okay, Jaden,” Colton assured him, standing up and hugging the smaller man, “thank you, by the way.”

“Be assertive,” Jaden told him, going up on his toes to return the hug, “And I’ll be here if you need to talk after.”

“You’re not going down to breakfast?”

“Brayden’s coming by and we’re ordering room service. He wants to make sure I’m not sulking about missing Jonathan.”

Colton laughed and headed out of the room and back to his, getting dressed before heading downstairs.

He sees Jordan at a table tucked away in the corner. It’s still early enough that none of their teammates are there yet.

“I got you some fruit,” Jordan pushed the plate closer to Colton, “I guess we need to talk.”

“I think you said plenty last night,” Colton replied, “articulated how you felt about me.”  
“I tried calling Eddy and he didn’t answer, he left me on read when I texted him,” Jordan looked down at the table, staring at his hands, “Fabbs told me that I had fucked up and that I probably couldn’t fix it.”

“Jordan,” Colton sighed, “I told you when we had our talk that I couldn’t do casual. If you didn’t want a relationship, why did you agree to one?”

“Because I wanted you,” Jordan replied, “and you were actively choosing me. And if I had said no… then you have chosen someone else. And I didn’t like how I felt knowing that. How it made me feel about the person you would have ended up with.”

“And who would that be?” Colton raised an eyebrow.

“C’mon, you have to fucking know how into you Eddy is.” Jordan huffed out a laugh, “You’re the smartest guy I know. There’s no way you haven’t noticed.” 

“Look, Eddy and I… we weren’t ever going to happen. That was something we both decided long ago.”

“He said that. When I talked to him about you, before the first time we hooked up.” Jordan shrugged, “But he still looked at you the way he always has, and talked about you with the same admiration. And I was jealous. Because you chose me over him, repeatedly, but you still had such a close bond with him and I thought that agreeing to a relationship would let me keep you.”

“So I was just a trophy for you. A symbol that you got picked first.” Colton shoved the fruit away, “How often did you cheat on me? After we had our talk, because we’ve already discussed those incidents.”

“About three and a half,” Jordan replied, not meeting Colton’s eye.

“I think you can round that up to four.” Colton responded, “Four times. God, I feel like an idiot.”

“It wasn’t your fault.” Jordan cut him off, “I was freaking out and scared of commitment. I’d never had a real, adult relationship and I was scared.”

“I know it wasn’t my fault,” Colton’s eyes flashed in a way that only Chicago and Dallas tended to bring out.

“I just… how do we fixed this?”

“We don’t,” Colton replied, “we don’t fix it. Because you’re not mature enough for a real relationship and I don’t do casual. There’s no middle ground. At least not one that I’m willing to explore. Just… give me some space.”

With that, Colton stood up and tried to leave but was stopped by Bouw - who had just walked into the room - and pulled over to a table on the other side of the room.

And Jordan could only watch him. And know that he had him but let him slip away.


End file.
